I'll be taking a break from posting for a while. Am really struggling with depression. Have contacted dr. and he's increased dosage but, really, I feel worse than I did at lower dosage. So, is it the increased medicine that's making it worse? Or would I be even worse off than now, if the dosage hadn't increased? And, of course, everything takes time. It's been a week now but he says to give it at least two, which I already know.
I feel like I've been trying to get meds "right" all summer and now school's starting back up and I go back to work next Monday. Thank God it's part-time.
I'm terribly worried about M going back to school in light of the desertion of so many of her friends. But this feeling that I have goes way beyond worried, and in the dumps. It's this new empty feeling where nothing seems to make me feel good that is so scary.
Today is a tiny bit better than yesterday. There was no way I could've even done this yesterday. Literally, not one thing brought up any real feeling at all. Very scary. J's been out of town this week and that makes it even worse.
I find myself hoping against hope that maybe I'm physically ill somehow because then I would hopefully get better. If it's just the way you "feel", you get afraid that you'll never "feel" any different.
Anyway, hopefully, I'll feel better soon. There are way too many people and things depending on me to have this going on and it's just way too disorienting.
