Getting ready for sister~ bittersweet

My sister, K, is coming in today! She left Dalton, Georgia yesterday morning with her two boys, W, 13, and S, 10, in their Toyota Four Runner, spent the night in Slidell, LA, and will be here around 2:00!! I saw K in January but haven't seen those precious boys since last summer. I absolutely adore them. K is 6 years younger than me and we're very close. We joke that when we're together we've finally got an entire brain. You know how it is, the older you get and the more crowded your head gets with all kinds of useless minutae, and you've got so much crap on your mind, that the simplest of tasks becomes a behemoth (what a funny word) undertaking? Well, when K and I are together, our brains complement each other and we function like a well oiled machine, getting stuff done left and right! Not only that, but when we DO mess up, who the heck cares?



So, that's the getting ready for sister part. Now here's the bittersweet part. Our mom's gone. She passed away two years ago suddenly, well sort of suddenly. She had been diagnosed with leukemia, was doing pretty well on the chemo but unbeknownst to us, had developed an infection as a byproduce of the chemo and by the time we knew something was wrong, it was too late and she died less than 24 hrs. later.

Mom lived here in Houston, same as me. So when K and the boys would come in, it was the three of us, together, with the kids, all the time. It was heavenly. A true idyll. Hubby just knew he would kind of "lose" me for a week to 10 days while we all made the most out of being together. We'd take the kids on all kinds of neat excursions around town, we'd shop at "cutesy-wutesy" shops, have pajama parties, go out to eat, and, most of all, just talk and laugh and talk and laugh.



This visit will be the easiest yet, since her death, with the first years' visit being practically agonizing and last years' visit only marginally better. I say it will be easier and yet just saying that makes me sick. How can I say anything related to not having my mom anymore and the word "easier" in the same sentence? It's wierd, but in some ways you don't want it to be easier cuz that means that you're getting more used to it and who in the hell wants to get used to not having their mom or dad anymore?



In another way, though, this visit will be more difficult because K and I will be going through a lot of stuff over at Dad's house and will begin the first, tentative, conversations about assisted living of some sort. And boy, is that ever yukky. We're lucky in that Dad has handled his increasing physical limitations with dignity and doesn't pretend that they're not there. It's just heartbreaking, though, to see your dad, your DADDY, for goodness sakes, not only needing your help but also to see the sadness in his eyes that it has come to this. It just sucks. That's all there is to it.



I'm very thankful that I believe in God and I do believe that I'll see Mom again one day, I really do. Without that hope, these last two years would have been unbearable. So, while there will be many sad moments over the next 10 days, what I'll be focusing on is how very blessed I've been to have had my dear sweet mother as long as I did, that I've been able to come to know my dad on so much deeper of a level, that I'll get to be with my awesome nephews, and last, but not least...to be a complete person for the first time since I was last with my sister!!!!