bout of the black dog

In on of my many different blog descriptions, I mentioned that I have struggled over the years with depression. I loved the comment from fellow blogger, jane, when she said that she had been having a bout of the black dog lately also (why is it that brits can make even depression sound romantic?!)

Anyway, things are looking up somewhat and in a bizarre way, I think it's due to a yucky side effect of a new medicine I'm on, Abilify. Turns out that I'm one of the 8% of patients who experience the side effect of "akathisia" which Wikipedia describes as "a syndrome characterized by an unpleasant sensation of inner restlessness that manifests itself with an inability to sit still or remain motionless..." I blogged late one night about not being able to sleep, wondering if it was due to a new dosage of thyroid medication (yes, I'm quite a mess aren't I?) but now think it's related to the Abilify. I really thought I was losing it, couldn't figure out why I couldn't sleep, didn't enjoy reading anymore, and always felt antsy. After I did some research on Abilify, and came across that term "inner restlessness", I figured out what was going on, called my dr. and stopped taking it a couple of days ago.

So why are things maybe looking up? Well, for me, depression goes hand in hand with a feeling of being easily overwhelmed by things that I could handle easily before, like, for example, maintaining a fairly orderly home. I've really let things slide in that regard over the past few months and since I'm one of those people who function best in a well-ordered environment, it has been difficult. However, with this new restlessness that I'm experiencing comes an inability to sit and do nothing, so I decided to at least have something to show for all this freneticism and have begun cleaning out kitchen cabinets like nobody's business! I've found all sorts of things that I thought had mysteriously disappeared, the cabinets are looking great, and hopefully I'll be a more cheerful dinner maker in a more organized space.

My doctor told me that the akathisia should go away in 3 to 4 days. I'm just hoping that I can get the kitchen finished before I lose this new-found energy and maybe the fact that I've made some forward progress will keep me motivated to keep on going with the organizing. I'll keep you posted!